Failure Guaranteed: Nine Interview Tips of a Different Kind
There is plenty of good advice on the subject of job applications. That’s why, as HR insiders, we are providing a few miserable tips here that will not only leave you with an unforgettable impression, but are guaranteed to rattle you through any application process. Do not copy.
By Sabin Biland-Weckherlin for HR Today.
This article was originally written in German.
As consultants, we experience a lot. Real life also provided us with the template for the following “application tips”. More precisely, the search process for an executive assistant at top management level. Everything we “recommend” in this article – no matter how exaggerated it may seem to you – happened exactly like this in concentrated form during this one search!
And precisely because keywords such as discretion, organization, reliability, communication and loyalty adorn practically every executive assistant CV and are among the key qualities of this profession, we were shocked that so much went wrong in precisely these areas.
Here they are – our nine tips that are guaranteed to lead you into an application fiasco.
1. Keyword Diligence: Application Without Words
It doesn’t matter whether you are applying for the vacant position on your own initiative or have been made aware of the vacancy through a recommendation: Don’t go to too much trouble with your application. Make yourself a little scarce. After all, as a candidate you have the upper hand these days.
It is best to send your CV to the relevant recruiting agency without comment. Cover letter? A superfluous luxury that you can do without.
Of course, you should only submit your references when explicitly asked for them. It is also completely irrelevant that you have probably worked with the same manager for 20 years, but do not have a single interim reference from him, let alone a final reference. Even if you changed countries and companies with him.
2. Keyword Discretion and Talent for Improvisation: The Video Call as a Stage for Mishaps
Sometimes initial interviews with potential employers take place as video calls. This opens up a whole new range of opportunities to thoroughly mess things up.
Want an example? One of our candidates didn’t have a room available at short notice to retreat to for the video call. Instead of informing us of this – of course we would have offered her the use of one of our rooms – she stood in the garden of a housing estate with her cell phone in her hand and audio in loudspeaker mode, to the amazement of everyone involved. Mind you, this was a job where the utmost discretion was required. Her image swayed worse than any ship on the high seas, which is why the customer – after the first signs of dizziness – urgently asked for the camera to be removed.
Do you want to be guaranteed a rejection during the interview? Then show your potential employer in this way that you lack any sense of discretion and that your talent for improvisation was also an empty phrase.
3. Keyword Reliability and Organization: Ignore Telephone Appointments
Telephone appointments are not really appointments at all. If it’s convenient, then it’s convenient – otherwise just let the phone ring and ignore the call. Or get in touch 15 minutes after the start of the appointment with the top HR manager to let them know you’re running late. Who wants to be so petty? Or show your special organizational skills by repeatedly missing the meeting with the same person and explaining the next day that your cell phone was broken. It’s his own fault if he canceled his lunch appointment because of you.
4. Keyword Loyalty: Gossip About Previous Employers
If, despite your best efforts, you still get an interview, there are still plenty of opportunities to really spoil it. For example: Describe your current position as a “boreout”, divulge internal information that is unsuitable for publicity and report on the character flaws of your current superior. What also helps: Explain the striking frequency of your job changes by consistently presenting yourself as a victim. And deliberately conceal the fact that your last employer terminated your employment.
5. Keyword Transparency: Don’t Let Anyone Look Into Your Cards
Don’t show too much enthusiasm about the advertised position – you never said you were seriously interested in it. At best, your application confirms your market value, no more and no less. You should not get carried away with more enthusiasm.
Are you really ready for something new? You haven’t really thought about this in depth yet. Perhaps your current employer is not as bad as you thought in comparison …
So be reserved and controlled. Get your poker face out of your costume box and reveal as little as possible about yourself. If you are interested in the job, hide it cleverly. And don’t show any emotions, otherwise they will end up being used against you.
You should also explicitly refrain from thanking the potential employer for the opportunity to interview you. Or, even more chummily, emphasize your interest in the position.
6. Keyword Fairness: Negotiate Bit By Bit With the Salami Tactic
Just don’t say straight out what you imagine and want. Divide your requirements into tiny slices that you only reveal slowly.
First you have to leave work early one day a week, then two days, then you mention that you don’t like taking the train during rush hour, then you tell them that you won’t be able to leave your current job until next month due to the absence of your current manager, and finally you suddenly have a sabbatical in mind. Only at the very end do you mention that the salary range mentioned does not meet your expectations. This is how salami tactics work.
7. Keyword Preparation: Please Do Not Ask Any Relevant Questions
It is best not to prepare any questions at all so as not to signal any unnecessary interest in the advertised position. Otherwise people might even think that you are seriously interested in the position! If you do ask questions, make sure that they are either completely irrelevant to the position or that the answers to them – if you had been prepared – could have been found on the company website. If nothing else comes to mind, ask about your future employer’s hobbies.
8. Keyword Enthusiasm: The Art of Reacting Without Emotion
It doesn’t happen often. In 15 years of recruiting, I’ve only ever seen a candidate being offered the job once during the introductory interview. If this happens to you, then either you haven’t followed our tips or you have superpowers.
But don’t worry. You can still turn things around. Just do what the candidate did in this case: react to such an offer from the company’s top boss without any emotion or movement.
Don’t smile and don’t show any joy. Just as if you hadn’t even heard it. Even if both the HR manager present and the consultant express their surprise at this pleasant, spontaneous offer, don’t make a face. It would be presumptuous to assume that you are as positively impressed as the “other party”!
9. Keyword Communication: Never Get in Touch Again
“Please get back to me during the course of day XY with feedback on whether you are interested in the position.” This or a similar sentence is often used at the end of a job interview.
For you, this means: let day XY pass with confidence. With one, two or three days of radio silence, you show us that you didn’t think the interview was as great as we might have thought … We will of course be waiting for your call or email, as will your potential future employer. Sooner or later, we may wonder if something has happened to you. But that’s not your problem.
When we finally call you to inquire, you will either come up with a flimsy excuse as to why you haven’t contacted us, or you will simply ” ghost” us completely by not answering a single call from us. This would also answer the question of your interest in the position.
Conclusion: Imitation Not Recommended
Congratulations! If you follow all these tips, the job rejection will certainly not be long in coming. So please don’t do it.
It goes without saying that every single one of our recommendations is meant to be highly ironic. And of course, the examples that have provided us with the material for this article are the exception. In 15 years of working as a recruitment consultant, I have never experienced such a high level of negative experiences, so I would like to share them with you. The observations I have made do not change the fact that we find most of our candidates to be committed, motivated, reliable and professional. And of course it’s not just applicants who make mistakes, companies do too. We have already written about this too. Several times.
In any case, we hope that this humorous look at possible stumbling blocks in the application process will help you to keep the important dos and don’ts in mind.
We wish you every success with your next application.
